A Liturgy For The Families And The Community Of The Terminally Ill

The following liturgy is designed for use of those who suffer along with the terminally ill. It is designed both to allow for prayers to be offered for the sick and their families or support communities and for the hope of Christ to be proclaimed.

Introduction Settings. There are several possible settings for a ritual of this type. They include but are not limited to the parish, the hospital, and the home. Parish Setting. Staff members associated with the parish health-care ministry will probably not be familiar with the persons for whom and with whom these rituals might be celebrated. Such persons could be invited to participate in a celebration of the sacrament offered only for people confronted with the terminal illness of a loved one. They in turn might be encouraged to invite friends and associates. Another alternative is to announce the celebration of the sacrament to the entire parish community so that as many persons as possible might be present in prayerful support of those facing the loss of a loved one. This would also allow for participation of persons whose own personal grief may not be generally known. As in the first instance, persons associated with dying patients might be given a more personal invitation to attend. The ministers in the community ought to be especially mindful of the needs and sensitivities of those for whom the anointing is being offered. It may happen that some will refuse the invitation. This should not be interpreted negatively as, for example, lack of gratitude or weakness of faith. More likely, it will be indicative of the style or stage of coping operative in the grieving persons. In such cases, other pastoral alternatives might be required. Hospital Setting. Parish ministers assigned to a health-care chaplaincy or pastoral-care personnel might arrange for a celebration of the sacrament for the families and friends of the sick in the hospital chapel or some other appropriate place. Again, participation could be encouraged either by personal invitation or by general announcement. In hospitals and other health-care environments, such as nursing homes, doctors and nurses could likewise be invited to participate. In some situations, it might be appropriate to design a ritual for these helping professionals, who must daily contend with the loss of patients through death. Home Setting. In some circumstances, it might be advantageous, even necessary, to provide for the celebration of the sacrament in a more private setting. The pastoral awareness and sensitivities of the health-care minister concerning some patients and their families might indicate a need for a personal, intimate ceremony on familiar home territory. The parish or hospital minister might have to suggest such a celebration, rather than wait for the family or friends to request it. Environment. The specific space designated for the ceremony should be as comfortable and aesthetically pleasing as possible. Creating attitude and atmosphere is essential. Quiet music, soft lighting, and tasteful artifacts, such as candles, plants, flowers, vessels, and table coverings, all contribute their beauty to the graceful celebration of the rite. In the face of sickness and death, the total celebration of the ritual—word, silence, gesture, and environment—must unite in offering healing, hospitality, and hope to participants. Size. It is probably safe to assume that most celebrations of this ritual would be small. Thus, it is possible, and even desirable, to foster a certain level of informality. Compassion, gentility, and warmth are important qualities. Informal though it may be, however, it is never intended that the ritual be casual. Care must be exercised to ensure a delicate balance. Tone. A contemplative tone is important to the ritual enactment. Creating a "?space before God?" in which the participants can simply "?be with?" God, themselves, their emotions, and one another is best served by a contemplative atmosphere. A gentle, alternating rhythm between sound and silence is to be encouraged. Length. If for no other reason than the physical and emotional fatigue associated with grief, the length of the service should be approximately one half hour. Celebrations for larger groups may require additional time. However, care should be taken to avoid taxing the already strained energies of the participants. The following ritual sample is intended to be both a single celebration of the sacrament of anointing for family and friends of those who are sick and a ritual structure that may be adapted according to the Kübler-Ross stages of death and dying. For this reason, an appendix to the full ritual offers alternative texts for the instruction and Scripture reading to be used at each stage. Gathering for Worship Gathering The presider and other participating ministers greet the assembly at the entrance to the worship space to extend an initial sense of hospitality and welcome. When all are assembled, the ministers enter in procession, accompanied by instrumental music. Call to Worship and Greeting

Presider: My brothers and sisters:

In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ I welcome you. I invite you to come to him who says to the wary, the burdened, and the sorrowing: "?Come to me and I will give you rest.?" Place yourselves now in Christ's compassionate presence. He desires to share your pain so that he may sorrow with you and grant you peace. May the Lord be with you. All: And also with you.

Opening Song Opening Prayer

Presider: Let us pray.

God of all comfort and consolation, be with us now in our prayer. We suffer with those who suffer; we die with those who die. Touch us in the deepest recesses of our grief, in those hidden places we fear to acknowledge or give to your keeping. Help us to be compassionate toward those who are sick. Help us to be gentle with ourselves. May we come to understand and accept the mystery of sickness and death, which holds our loved one(s) in its grip. In the fullness of time and in the slowness of our hearts, speak to us your word of comfort and your word of peace. We ask this in the power of the Spirit and in your Son, Jesus Christ, the Lord. All: Amen.

Instruction

Presider: The journey of life brings each of us,

at one time or another, to a place of pain. Without our will we are brought into life; against our will we are forced to confront the pain of sickness and the sorrow of death. Each of you knows the pain associated with the sickness and death of those you love. Your concern is for them, and yet your own hearts are torn apart. Your own lives are disrupted. This pain and disruption you may nobly try to deny; yet it is there. It may bring your anger, or lead you to bargain with God and with life "?if only things could be different.?" Or it may make you very, very sad. Yet, however you feel at this moment, the healing power of Christ seeks to touch your hearts. He seeks to lead you to accept and embrace this life with all its mystery, and to discover his love for you in the midst of this sadness and grief. May we spend a few moments in quiet reflection before our God, and allow ourselves to experience honestly and with reverence the feelings that are uniquely our own. Let us express ourselves to God in truth, without fear or shame.

Reflective Silence

Liturgy of the Word Reading (Matt. 26:36–46) Homily (The homily is usually given by the presider or by some other person invited to provide this ministry. In some situations, however, it may be appropriate to invite the participants to share their reflections on the Scripture reading in the format of a dialogue homily.) Psalm/Song of Hope and Trust (At the end of the homily, some form of common prayer or song is appropriate as both a conclusion to the Word and a transition into prayers of petition.) Prayer of Petition

Presider: My brothers and sisters,

the God to whom Jesus prayed for deliverance invites each of us to be healed. In Jesus we find the hope that makes us whole and the promise that life is forever. God is no stranger to our human pain and suffering. In Jesus God has embraced our own human life even to the point of suffering and death. In Jesus God has become companion to us in our own journey through life. "?Behold, I am with you always?"; "?I make my abode with you.?" Unite then your sorrow to the dying and rising of Christ. Believe and your faith will make you whole. In faith and in hope be companion to those with whom you keep vigil, your loved ones for whom we now pray:

(All in the assembly are invited to pray in their own words for their loved ones and for themselves. If it is helpful, the presider may form the first several petitions. After the petitions:)

Presider: Loving God,

Lord of all health and wholeness, you are source of our life and fulfillment of our death. We come to you now with varied needs. Into your gentle care we place ourselves and our loved ones who are ill. Be for us now light to brighten our darkness, strength to transform our weakness, and comfort in the midst of our pain. We ask this in the power of the Spirit through Christ, our Lord. All: Amen.

Rite of Anointing Anointing

Presider: My brothers and sisters,

as a sign of our faith and in hope for the healing embrace of God, come forward now to be anointed with holy oil. May Jesus Christ, who is infinite compassion, touch you and bless you, and give you his healing grace.

(As each member of the assembly comes forward, he/she is anointed on both forehead and hands. The presider prays the accompanying prayer:)

Presider: [anointing the head]

May God heal your own wounds as you stand in hope with [Name], who is ill. [anointing the hands] May God give you eyes to see and ears to hear and hands that you may touch and bless and understand.

(When all have received the sacrament of the anointing, there follows a brief period of silence.)

Common Prayer (Ps. 23) (The service concludes with Psalm 23 recited or sung in common. If desired, the Lord's Prayer or a suitable prayer of praise and thanksgiving may be prayed instead.) Dismissal

Presider: Signed with the cross of Christ,

and touched with his healing grace, go forth now from this place to serve God's people in compassion, kindness, and love. All: Thanks be to God.

Closing Song Appendix: Alternative Texts for the Stages of Death and Dying The suggestions that follow are intended to serve in the adaptation of the above ritual to the various stages of death and dying as cited above. Both instruction and Scripture text are to be inserted within the above ritual in their designated places. ALTERNATIVE FOR STAGE 1: DENIAL Instruction The human confrontation with sickness and death almost always meets with some form of denial, at least in its initial stages. We seek to pretend it away. "?It can't be happening; it can't be true.?" This is true for those who fall sick. It is equally true of those who love them. Our prayer today invites you to look squarely at your own deep reactions to the sickness that has come upon people you love. It may be hard to believe it is happening to them. But since their own sickness reveals how deeply your lives are connected to theirs, you may find it equally hard to believe it is happening to you. To deny sickness in those who are sick is a refusal to accept them as they now are—especially at a time when they most need to be accepted. To hide your own fears and denial behind well-intended words that promise "?all will be well?" is in fact a denial of truth and a rejection of those whom you love. Now more than ever, they need you to be true. Now more than ever you need to be true. Both they and you need to speak in truth, for only in truth will faith be able to speak, hope be able to serve, and love be able to deepen. Christ does not hide from the deepest truth of our lives. He loves us when we sin; he embraces us when we are sick. Let us spend a few moments in quiet reflection before Jesus Christ and let the truth of what is happening to our loved ones and to ourselves come deeply into our hearts. And let him who is Truth itself comfort us and bring us deep peace. Reading (Matt. 16:21–23: Peter denies Jesus' impending suffering and death.) ALTERNATIVE FOR STAGE 2: ANGER Instruction On days when all is well, it is easy to be happy with God. It is also easy to ignore God, or simply to take God for granted. When all is not well, when sickness strikes us or someone we love, we are much more likely to feel betrayed by God and to become very angry. And our anger goes not only to God, but in so many directions: to the one who is sick ("?Why are you doing this to me??"); to the doctors and givers of care ("?Why can't you do more??"); to others in the family ("?Why don't you do your share??"); and to just about anyone else who may happen to come our way. Jesus himself was angry in the face of his death: at Judas, who was impatient to betray him; at Philip, who was slow to understand; and at Peter, whose pretended bravery was but a form of denial. And he was angry at God, his Father, who demanded much and yet seemed to abandon him. If anger fills your hearts this day, place it with him who has known anger and yet passed beyond its grip. Place it with him who quiets all anger and fear with a glance, a touch, a silent word. Reading (John 18:10–11: Simon Peter, angry at Jesus' arrest, draws a sword.) ALTERNATIVE FOR STAGE 3: BARGAINING Instruction There is a game we play in the face of sickness and death, perhaps as a retreat into denial or a defense against anger. We bargain with God, with life, with ourselves. We bargain with the past and fill ourselves with false regrets that we should have done what we did not do. "?If only I had … ,?" the bargain goes. We bargain with the future, making all sorts of promises, equally false, of what we will do "?if only … ?" The irony is that we waste the time that is ours looking for time that is not ours and will not be. And the precious time that is ours, to speak and to care and to love, quickly passes us by. This time is given to each of us, not to pass it in idle wish or vain desire, but rather:

to speak, as perhaps we have not spoken before;

to care, as perhaps we have not cared before; to love, as perhaps we have not loved before; and to believe deeply and to trust in the ways of God.

This time is given to those you love. This time is given to you. Take it and use it well. Reading (Luke 22:41–46: Jesus prays for the cup of suffering to pass from him.) ALTERNATIVE FOR STAGE 4: DEPRESSION Instruction The passage of sickness can be long and tedious, wearing away at all the resources to cope, bear with, endure. A vigil with those who are sick can likewise be long and tedious and likewise wear away one's personal resources. In the end we can grow very tired of it all, and simply sad. Such sadness or depression can leave us locked in our own world, a world that has grown smaller as all avenues of escape seemed to close. It is hard to minister to those who are depressed. It is hard to minister when we ourselves are without hope. In your own vigil with your loved one(s), no doubt your energies have been spent, well spent, yet spent. And if you are sad, it is a sadness you need to understand if you will help someone else to pierce its deep, dark mystery. You will seem to be surrounded by silence. Yet deeper than silence, and within the silence itself, there waits a word to be heard. A word of courage and a word of hope. In the silence of your hearts, listen now to the whispers that alone will redeem the sadness. Let the Lord, who has gone before us all, speak gently, yet powerfully, where you need him most to speak. Reading (Matt 17:22–23: Jesus speaks to his disciples of his coming suffering.) ALTERNATIVE FOR STAGE 5: ACCEPTANCE Instruction In the Garden, and again on the cross, Jesus gave his life and his sufferings over into the hands of his God. It was not a "?giving in,?" nor even a "?giving up.?" Jesus gave himself over to another, who lovingly and graciously received his gift. So often we are counseled to accept what is given to us. Perhaps from time to time we counsel others to do the same. But in that word we all too often forget the gift and the giving that acceptance involves. To see suffering, my suffering or the suffering of one I love, as a precious gift I can give in love to my God is the deepest secret of all human pain. God is not far away from those who are sick nor from those who keep vigil with the sick. God is present most deeply within the pain and the sorrow and the sadness, yearning to make of it all a gift of praise and glory. It takes deep faith and hope and love to give even pain as a gift to God. But such a gift reveals pain's deepest meaning and deepest possibility. Look at your own pain and the pain of those you love, and listen. From deep within a voice may be heard, even now: "?You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.?" Reading (Luke 23:44–46: Jesus commends his spirit to God.)