A Theology Of Marriage

Marriage in Western culture is viewed as a loving partnership for the whole of life, intended both for the welfare of the partners and the procreation and nurture of children. Christian marriage adds to this a perspective on marriage as an image of God's covenant relationship with the church.

Western European Marriage This first section is about the theology of marriage and asks three questions: What is marriage, what is marriage for, and how does marriage come to be? The answer to the first question has been dominated by a Roman definition found in the Digesta of the Emperor Justinian (sixth century). "?Marriage is a union of a man and a woman and a communion of the whole of life?" (23, 2, 1). The definition would be clear if the phrase, "?whole of life,?" were not ambiguous. This phrase can mean everything that the spouses have, and then it implies that nothing is left unshared between them. It can mean as long as life lasts, and then it can imply that marriage is a lifelong commitment. Over the years, these two meanings have been so interwoven that marriage has come to be regarded as the union of a man and a woman which commits them to the sharing of all their goods throughout the whole of their life. I will return to this matter of the whole of life in a moment. Marriage, then, is a union, a partnership of a man and a woman for the whole of their life. But what is the partnership for? Again, in the Western world, there has been no doubt. Marriage has two ends, the marital well-being of the spouses and the procreation and upbringing of children. In the thirteenth-century, there arose a question about the relationship of these two ends. It was answered by arranging them hierarchically, establishing the procreation of children as the primary end and the well-being of the spouses as the secondary end. When a conflict between the ends arose, the secondary well-being of the spouses had to give way to the primary end of procreation. That hierarchy and subordination of ends was continued most constantly in the Catholic Church until the Second Vatican Council introduced a change. In its document on The Church in the Modern World, the Second Vatican Council (1963–1965) refused to employ the long-traditional terminology about primary and secondary ends. It taught explicitly that procreation "?does not make the other ends of marriage of less account?" and that marriage "?is not instituted solely for procreation?" (n. 50). The same discussion about the laws of marriage was repeated in the 1983 revision of the Roman Catholic Code of Canon Law, with the same result. It is clear that, in the latter half of the twentieth century, by deliberated choice, the Catholic tradition has come into line with the other Christian traditions on this point. Marriage is for both the mutual well-being of the spouses and for the procreation and nurture of children, without either of these ends taking precedence over the other. The third questions arises, namely, how does marriage come to be? The obvious answer is in a wedding; but that answer is not precise enough. For a marriage to be validated, only one moment of the wedding counts, the solemn moment of giving consent. "?I, John, take you, Amanda, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.?" When Amanda has given the same consent, she and John are pronounced "?husband and wife.?" If this moment of free consent is missing, or is seriously flawed in any way, there is no valid marriage, there is no legal union, for free consent makes marriage. A marriage appearing to result from a wedding is null, that is, not valid, from the moment of seriously flawed free consent. A later declaration of nullity, called an annulment, does not make a marriage invalid. It merely declares that it was always legally invalid, appearances to the contrary notwithstanding. Since the free consent of the spouses makes their marriage, all the Western churches teach that the spouses, not the witnessing church minister, are the ministers of marriage to one another. The consensual phrase, "?until death do us part,?" returns us to our consideration of "?the whole of life.?" It has become almost fashionable to scorn that phrase because, it is said, unconditional promises covering the whole of life are not possible. To promise something for next week is one thing, runs the argument, but to promise it for fifty years from now is quite another. Only conditional promises made on the condition that nothing substantially changes in either spouse, continues the argument, can be made with any binding weight. The Christian churches, including those that countenance divorce and remarriage, refuse to accept that argument. They hold that marriage is for the whole of life; that it is intended to be dissolved only by death. We must briefly consider this question. The claim that the marriage vow "?until death do us part?" is impossible is, quite simply, false. A man and a woman can commit themselves unconditionally, for commitment is a statement of present, not future, intention. Principles, freely chosen and lovingly embraced now, can continue to be freely chosen and lovingly embraced fifty years hence even in substantially changed circumstances. Consider soldiers going off to war. Soldiers value life, liberty, and comfortable living as much as any other man and woman, but they do not value just any life. They value the life of honor and fidelity at any cost. Those who marry make that same commitment to love, honor, and fidelity, "?until death do us part.?" For Christians of all denominations, that commitment acquires distinctive firmness from their equal commitment to the Christ they confess as Savior and to his teaching on marriage and divorce (Mark 10:11–12; Matt. 5:32; 19:9; Luke 16:18). In summary, then, in the Western world, marriage is looked upon as a loving partnership for the whole of life created by free consent and ordered equally to the mutual well-being of the spouses and to the procreation and nurture of children. Christians accept that description of marriage as a foundation, and on that foundation build something more. I will now consider what more they add to it. Christian Marriage Religions are always on the lookout for ways to image God and God's relationship to humankind. Since the idea of their special relationship to God, arising out of the covenant, was central to the self-understanding of the Israelites, it is not difficult to understand that they would choose a human reality to image and symbolize the covenant relationship. It is not difficult, either, to understand that the reality they chose was that human reality of permanent and exclusive relationship called marriage. The prophet Hosea was the first to speak of marriage as image of the covenant. Hosea interprets his marriage to his wife Gomer as a prophetic symbol, making visible in representation the covenant between God and Israel. Besides being a human and secular institution, Hosea's parable declares, marriage is also a religious symbol, symbolizing the abiding love and covenant between God and Israel. Lived from this perspective of faith, Christians today state that marriage is a two-storied reality. On a first story, it signifies the covenant partnership of the whole of life between this man and this woman. On a second story, it signifies in representation the abiding covenant partnership of God and Israel. The word covenant is today both a Protestant and a Catholic word to characterize a marriage between Christians. It is not a randomly chosen word. It is, rather, an ancient theological word, conjuring up for Christian spouses echoes of the biblical covenants between God and God's people and between Christ and Christ's people. Covenant, however, is more than just a biblical echo; it is also an intensely personal commitment. Covenants engage persons to mutual services; covenants are for the whole of life; covenants are religious realities, witnessed by God; and covenants can be made only by adults who are emotionally and spiritually mature. To designate a marriage between Christians as a covenant marriage is to imply that it is not only an echo of the two biblical covenants but also an extension and a participation in both. It is precisely this idea that leads the Catholic churches to speak of Christian marriage also as a sacrament. The classical Catholic definition of sacrament, an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace, can be explicated with respect to marriage. To say that a marriage between Christians is a sacrament is to say that it is a two-storied reality. On a first story, the human and secular story, it proclaims and makes visible the steadfast love and partnership for the whole of life between a Christian man and a Christian woman. On a second story, the religious and symbolic story, it images and makes visible the steadfast love and communion between Christ and his church. Any man and woman committing in marriage to one another announce before witnesses: "?I love you and I give myself to you.?" A couple committing to one another in a Christian marriage say that, but they also say more. They say: "?I love you as Christ loves the church and I give myself to and for you as Christ gives himself to and for the church?" (cf. Eph. 5:25). A Christian marriage is, therefore, more than just a secular marriage; it is more than just a human covenant. It is also a religious marriage and a religious covenant. God and God's Son are present in it—third partners in it, from its beginning. This presence of grace in its most ancient catholic sense, namely the presence of the saving God, is not something extrinsic to the marriage. It is something essential to it, something without which it would not be a Christian marriage at all. Of course, a Christian marriage makes visible the mutual love of a Christian man and woman. It also makes visible in representation their love of Christ and their covenant to make their marriage an image of Christ's covenant with the church. In this sense, Christian marriage may be defined as a sacrament, an outward sign of the presence of the God of grace.